


I've Been Losing Sleep

by bonnie_bee



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, M/M, Omega Stiles Stilinski, Pining, Trope Subversion/Inversion, Wooing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2014-05-12
Packaged: 2018-01-21 19:37:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1561670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonnie_bee/pseuds/bonnie_bee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not that Derek thinks he doesn't have what it takes to catch Stiles' attention, it's just that there are so many other people, other <i>alphas</i>  competing for him. Alphas with bigger packs, alphas that aren't totally fucked up by their tragic past, alphas that don't allow themselves to be bossed around by their beta sisters and suckered into babysitting all the time. </p><p>Okay, actually, yes Derek has serious doubts about his ability to get Stiles to notice him. But he's waited too long for this chance to back down now, and Derek will be charming and suave even if it kills him.</p><p>It probably will.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Thinking About The Things That We Could Be

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a [tumblr prompt](http://feelavalanche.tumblr.com/post/84466401967/dear-world-and-assorted-fanfic-authors-would) I read this morning, which I had to look up how to link to because I am shamefully ignorant of how to work social media sites for someone my age. Anyway, the post was made by [feelavalanche](http://feelavalanche.tumblr.com/):
> 
> Dear world and assorted fanfic authors:  
> Would somebody please write a Sterek OmegaVerse fic where Alphas are the majority and Omegas are the minority and, as such, the Alphas compete for the Omegas instead of the other way around? Like, perhaps it’s a mating run where the Omegas are doing the chasing! Or maybe there’s some sort of pageant where the Alphas have to display their prowess at scenting by finding a specific wildflower chosen by their Omega, and must prove their physical capabilities via intense feats of strength.  
> I JUST REALLY WANT TO SEE DEREK HALE, NERVOUSLY MEASURING OUT INGREDIENTS AND CLOSELY MONITORING THE OVEN TO MAKE SURE HIS SOUFFLE RISES PERFECTLY SO HE CAN PROVE THAT HE WOULD BE A GOOD PROVIDER AS HE FERVENTLY HOPES THAT STILES TAKES NOTICE
> 
> So just to preemptively warn you I managed to include pretty much none of the plot points in this prompt, but something about it just got under my skin and before I knew it I was world building instead of doing all that RL stuff that was on my agenda for today. I hope what I wrote somewhat reflects the spirit of the prompt at least and that I managed to make something that will please and okay whatever just read it I hope it doesn't suck.
> 
> Title from One Republic's _Counting Stars_.

Okay, so it isn't like Derek doesn't realize that the Harvest Pageant is 90% bullshit. Half the events are based on archaic wilderness survival skills that are no longer relevant, and the other half play into the stereotype of the big strong alpha taking care of a submissive, swooning omega. His parents were too progressive to let any of their children fall into that type of thinking, and if there’s anything that having two sisters has taught Derek it’s that being the alpha is just a reason to get bossed around and guilted into doing things “for the good of the pack” by his betas.

Case in point, Derek still participates in this stupid Pageant every year because Laura keeps reminding him of how important it is to have an omega in the pack, a werewolf whose empathetic instincts help pull together pack members to create a cohesive family. The blood bond between him, Laura, Peter, and Cora is enough at the moment to keep them together, but if they want to create a larger pack, to have a big bustling family like before the fire, then they need an omega.

Derek knows that he isn't the most welcoming of alphas, and that the fire that killed the rest of the Hale pack has left each of them fucked up in their own slightly off-putting ways. Some packs can get by without an omega by putting an emphasis on pack-bonding and open lines of communication, but Derek could already envision the train-wreck that would occur if he tried to bring an unknown beta into their already tight-knit little pack. So yes, an omega is necessary. Which, unfortunately, makes the Pageant necessary as well.

Derek is brought back to his current situation by someone gently bumping into him where they all stood on the stage of the Beacon Hills Community Center.

“-and there you have it, folks!” continued Coach Finstock, “This year’s batch of strapping alphas, all hoping to be the lucky recipient of an offer from one of Beacon Hills’ own omegas! Who will show themselves to be worthy of having one of these treasured young people choose to join their pack? Only time will tell!”

Derek quietly scoffs to himself over Finstock’s speech, which has remained exactly the same for the past six years. Derek is already fairly certain of what time will tell: Derek will reluctantly compete in all the events, getting increasingly annoyed with all the macho posturing that alphas put on to impress the omegas. Whoever Derek approaches will be either unimpressed by his bad mood or slightly terrified by what Cora has dubbed his “murder-brows”. Derek will then walk away at the end vowing not to put himself through this again, only for Laura to wheedle him until he gives in and signs up for the next year. Lather, rinse, repeat.

And if Derek is being brutally honest with himself, which is something he often tries to avoid, there hasn’t really been an omega that has caught his attention since the first year. He understands that there doesn’t need to be any sort of instant bond or any feelings other than pack-mate in order for him to accept an omega into his pack, but part of the problem is that he’s already felt that and so much more. 

_Stiles_ , he lets himself think, Stiles Stilinki. The Sheriff’s son. Bitten by a rogue at sixteen along with his best friend, becoming one of the few bitten omegas in California. Derek still remembers him, looking so young and defiant at eighteen and in the first few months of his last year of high school. He had been loud and sarcastic and scathingly dismissive to almost any alpha that had approached him, and Derek had been reluctantly smitten from afar by this omega who seemed tough enough to withstand the Hale family dynamic while still fiercely loyal enough to pull together his broken little pack into something whole and happy again. 

But he had also been so beautiful, pale and lithe and covered in moles that Derek wanted to trace. There had been a scent of melancholy about him, and so many sharp edges in his tone that Derek just want to take his hand and smooth him down until everything bitter about him turned sweet and warm and he looked through his lashes at Derek with those honey-colored eyes – 

Someone jostles him again, this time a little more pointedly, and Derek forces himself back to the present and refuses to look around or blush at the pheromones he knows he had started to let off. It’s considered bad form to spread strong emotions like lust and desire in crowded areas, especially in a group of alphas. He shouldn’t be falling back into those memories anyways, because it’s been five years since Derek has even seen Stiles and he’s sure that the omega had been convinced to join a pack while away at college. He was probably still down in the Berkeley area bonding with his pack-mates. Maybe he had a significant other. Maybe he was already married. Maybe he had left Beacon Hills for good and Derek would never – 

Maybe he’s standing in the back of the crowd at the Community Center, talking to an unknown alpha and gesturing emphatically with his hands while looking like everything Derek thought he had stopped wanting. 

Derek isn’t sure whether the feeling starting in his chest is elation or terror, but either way Derek knows now that there’s only one person he’s competing for. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“You realize that this Harvest Pageant is, like, 90% bullshit, right?” Stiles complains as he follows Scott through the crowd. “I mean, I get the need for these alphas to have someone in their pack with half a brain, but the whole Mister Werewolf Alpha Show is just an excuse for a bunch of over-confident assholes who are high on power to show off how amazing they are. It's like peacocks, only with dick measuring instead of iridescent tail-feathers. FYI, I would prefer the tail feathers.”

It’s a testament to their longstanding friendship that Scott is entirely unfazed by Stiles’ train of thought. “So you’re saying that all these alphas need to do is wear something shiny to win you over.” He says with a teasing grin.

“Dude, you are such an asshole. Just because you already have a mate and an omega in your ridiculous polyamorous three-person pack does _not_ mean that I want to become pack bitch for one of these idiots. There’s a reason I stayed away the whole time I was at school, man.” Stiles wants to leave it at that, but the puppy-dog eyes Scott is giving him make him feel like he needs to defend himself even though they’ve had this argument countless times over the last five years. 

“Look,” he says, waving his hands for emphasis,” there was no way I could have joined a pack while I was in school, and you know that. The first and only time I came home freshman year I had three different alphas approach me in one weekend, so excuse me for deciding to stay in the neutral territory of the Berkeley area until I graduated. I don’t even know why we’re here right now – “

“I told you Isaac likes to watch, he’s in here somewhere,” Scott interrupts with a slight frown, tilting his head in a way that lets Stiles know he’s scenting the crowd for the rest of his pack.

“- okay yes I get that we are here right in this moment to find your boyfriend and your girlfriend, and I’ll tell you now we’re having a discussion later about what kind of alpha is chill with their omega ogling all the hot alpha goods up there, but seriously, this is such a joke. None of us are declaring ourselves, and all these competitions are stupid and pointless.”

“You did it your first year,” Scott points out, seemingly giving up on finding Isaac and Allison for the moment to check out the alphas being announced on the stage. 

“Well yeah, my dad wanted me to ‘have the opportunity’ or whatever, but let me tell you, it sucked majorly. Everyone was smarmy and wouldn’t take no for answer to _anything_ and the only one who wasn’t completely intolerable clearly hated me from the way he spent the whole time glaring and refusing to say anything to me.” 

Stiles refuses to let himself feel any bitterness over that, because he doesn’t want Scott to smell it on him. Of course it was Stiles’ luck that the one alpha he wouldn’t have been totally averse with getting to know thought he was completely repulsive. He was probably one of those alphas that expected omegas to be quiet little homebodies who did whatever their alpha said and didn’t have any opinions. Whatever, it was his loss. It’s not like Stiles wanted to be a part of a pack like that anyways. Not that he wanted to be a part of any pack. He was fine without a pack, okay, his dad worried too much.

“Derek Hale, right?” Scott says in a weird tone of voice.

“Yes, him!” Stiles says angrily, too caught up in his own thoughts to question why Scott would remember an alpha from five years ago before Scott was even an alpha himself. “I get not wanting me in his pack, but he at least could have been polite about it! I mean, okay, I was an eighteen year-old virgin so I probably reeked of horniness and let’s be honest I wouldn’t haven’t have been entirely averse to climbing that like a tree –“

“Stiles – “

“And I bet the hate sex would have been amazing, because talk about a hottie with a body, but oh my god would it have killed him to smile?”

“Stiles, he’s – “

“But whatever, it’s not like I even care anymore. He’s probably off brooding about how no one appreciates his alpha-ness. He probably gave up on finding an omega that could put up with him.” _He probably found someone beautiful and talented and confident_ , he doesn’t say, _someone he thought was worth having in his pack. He probably found someone who wasn’t too skinny and hyperactive and obnoxious. He probably has 2.5 kids and a picket fence and doesn’t even remember the pathetic 18 year-old who he –_

Stiles’ thoughts are interrupted by Scott grabbing his arm and using his other hand to actually turn his head to face the stage. “That Derek Hale, right?” he says wryly.

Yes, that Derek Hale. The one who’s currently staring straight at Stiles like he’s the only person in the room, and he’s fairly certain that’s not hate on his face. Maybe his anger face just looks really sexy. Or maybe his sexy face just looks really angry? Okay, the hate sex fantasies are definitely coming back. 

“The table up front is still taking declarations, right?” He asks faintly, only breaking eye contact when Scott hums affirmatively and turns him around to lead him to the back corner where the registration booth is located. Stiles glances back once but Derek isn’t looking at him anymore. Still, Stiles can’t shake the feeling that there are eyes on the back of his neck as he fills out the paperwork and hands over his driver’s license.

He would bet money that Derek still doesn’t want him in his pack, but maybe now he wants him in his bed. Stiles tells himself that’s fine, because when it comes to Derek Hale, he’ll take what he can get.


	2. Old, But I'm Not That Old

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura spends five straight minutes laughing when Derek tells her about seeing Stiles at the opening ceremonies. “Oh my god, I remember the first year when you were too afraid to talk him. You spent the whole month moping.”
> 
> “I didn’t mope,” Derek complains, staring at the dish he’s washing so he doesn’t have to look at Laura’s smug face. “I was just… I was inexperienced. Now that I’ve had more practice, it’ll be easier for me. All I need to do is be charming. And sociable. And confident. And fuck, this is going to be impossible for me.”
> 
> Laura’s starts laughing again, and Derek momentarily fantasizes about taking the sink sprayer and turning it on his sister. She deserves it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a lot harder to write than the first, probably because I've never managed anything longer than 10k. Ah well. The next update probably won't be until next weekend because of my job, but until then enjoy some pining!Derek.

Laura spends five straight minutes laughing when Derek tells her about seeing Stiles at the opening ceremonies. “Oh my god, I remember the first year when you were too afraid to talk him. You spent the whole month moping.”

“I didn’t mope,” Derek complains, staring at the dish he’s washing so he doesn’t have to look at Laura’s smug face. “I was just… I was inexperienced. Now that I’ve had more practice, it’ll be easier for me. All I need to do is be charming. And sociable. And confident. And fuck, this is going to be impossible for me.”

Laura’s starts laughing again, and Derek momentarily fantasizes about taking the sink sprayer and turning it on his sister. She deserves it. 

Laura’s laughter finally dies off, and she starts collecting her things to go back to work. “Speaking of being charming and sociable and accomplishing impossible tasks, I have another dinner tonight with the firm’s new clients. Can you pick June up from school and get her fed? I’ll probably be back after you put her to bed.”

“What if I was planning on getting work done tonight?” Derek grumbles, drying off his hands and turning to finally face Laura.

Laura rolls her eyes and pulls her heels on at the same time, which Derek will never admit he’s impressed by. “Please, don’t even try, Der. You love spending time with that girl more than anyone else in this house. Also, I’m your big sister so you should do what I say.”

“But I’m the alpha,” he says in what is absolutely not a whine. “ _You_ should do what _I_ say.”

“Sure thing baby bro, remember to start heading to the school around 1:45. Love you, see you later tonight!” She brushes a kiss against his cheek and walks towards the door looking once again like the high-powered lawyer she is. Before she walks out, Laura turns around to give him a soft smile that makes her look almost exactly like their mother.

“Derek, don’t give up before you’ve even started. Don’t worry about being a social butterfly or saying the right things, just be yourself. You’re a good alpha, and if Stiles can’t see that through all the ridiculous Pageant events then he’s not worth it. It probably wouldn’t hurt for you to smile, though.”

Derek feels the corners of mouth turn up reluctantly, and he looks back down at the towel in his hands because he’s still terrible at taking compliments.  
“Aw, there it is!” Laura exclaims, stepping out the door. “Just show ‘em that and you’ll be pulling in omegas left and right. And remember to leave at 1:45!”

 

Derek gets caught up in his editing work and ends up rushing out of the house at 1:53. Luckily no one stops him for speeding on his way to the school, and when he pulls up to the curb school has only been out for a few minutes. Before he can even roll down the window to search through the milling crowd of students and teachers, he spots June running up to the Camaro.

“Hi Uncle Derek!” She yells, climbing across the passenger seat to smack a kiss on his cheek. “Is momma working tonight? Can we stay up late and watch a movie? Will you make wolf sandwiches for dinner?”

“Hey June Bug!” He says, smiling at the rapid-fire questions. He waits until she’s sitting back down with her seatbelt on before he starts driving back towards the house. “Yeah, your mom has another dinner meeting, so it’ll just be you and me tonight. And you know that only werewolves who do all their homework get to watch movies and make special pack sandwiches.”

“Okay,” says June, calmer now that her most pressing questions have been answered. “Did you go to the Pageant today and meet all the omegas? Did you meet anyone that you want to add to the pack? I want an omega so we can have more betas and then there’ll be more people for me to play with. Do you think if we get an omega that they’ll want to play with me?”

Derek tries to keep him tone light, even though his heart clenches a little at how lonely his niece sounds. They all took care of each other, but it was hard on her to be the only child in a pack with four other adults. “When we find the right omega for our pack, I bet all they’ll want to do is play with you. Besides, am I not good enough anymore?” He makes an exaggerated frowny face at her, which earns him a giggle.

Derek himself feels a little lonely now that he’s thinking of the Pageant, and what will happen if he walks away again without an omega for the pack. Making a quick decision, he turns off towards town rather than back towards the house. “What do you say we go visit Aunt Cora before we head home, huh?”

“Yes!” shrieks June, plastering her face to the window even though they’re still a few minutes away from being able to spot the garage. 

Once they pull up June is out of the car like a shot, running towards the open shop where he could see Cora poking at the engine of a beat up old station wagon. She must hear them before June reaches her, because she’s able to turn around before June reaches her and scoop her up to swing her around.

“Hey there Captain J, what’s my favorite niece doing in a place like this?”

“Visiting you, silly,” she says, leaning in to brush her nose against Cora’s in an eskimo kiss. 

“Ah, I see,” Cora responds with mock seriousness, nodding to Derek in acknowledgement as he walks up to the two of them. “Clearly your Uncle Derek knew he wasn’t cool enough to keep you entertained so he brought you to me.”

“Be nice!” June says in a stern tone that reminded them both that she was Laura’s kid. “Momma said I’m not supposed to let you be mean to Uncle Derek.”

“Yes ma’am!” She says, setting June back on her feet, “No making fun of our poor, defenseless alpha, got it. Why don’t you go see if Greg is hiding any candy at the front desk for us to steal?”

The prospect of candy before supper is more exciting than listening to Cora and Derek talk, and June happily skips back to the front office.

“So,” says Cora, turning back to her engine, “how was the meat market this morning? See anyone that didn’t run away when they saw your murder face?”

“It was okay,” Derek answers, ignoring the second half of her question. He’s learned by now that being insulting is how Cora shows affection. He thinks she learned it from Peter.

Cora stops what she’s doing to peer over her shoulder at him and raise her eyebrows incredulously. “Really? You’re going with ‘it was okay’? You absolutely hate the Pageant, every year all you do is complain about it the whole time. Now suddenly it’s _okay_?” She narrows her eyes at him, and Derek finds that he has to look away. 

“Shit, you met someone, didn’t you? An omega for our pack or someone you want to bone? Or maybe even both? After that first year when you followed Stilinski around like a 12-year-old girl with a crush I wasn’t sure you’d ever find someone else to pine over. Who is it?”

Crap, his sisters know him too well. “Umm…” Derek can’t think of something that doesn’t make him sound pathetic, and to his horror he can feel his cheeks heating up in a blush.

“Oh my god it’s still him isn’t it! You are such a loser bro, I can’t believe you’ve been carrying a torch for _Stiles Stilinski_ all these years. He was such a spaz in school.”

“Shut up,” groans Derek, too embarrassed to think of a comeback. “I wasn’t pining. There’s just something about him, okay? I think he’d be good for our pack. Leave it alone.”

“Sure, good for the pack. So you’d be totally okay if he joined our pack and then went and fell in love with someone else. More betas for us, right?”

Derek felt himself bristle at the thought of someone else getting Stiles’ attention, of him belonging to the pack but not to Derek. The expression on his face must be enough of an answer for Cora, because she laughs at him and goes back to work.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The following morning Stiles is questioning what sort of insanity possessed him yesterday to make him sign up for this stupid Pageant again. It was a Saturday so the crowd was even bigger than yesterday, and Stiles could already hear the other betas and omegas gossiping about the alphas sitting on stage. 

“I love the Pack Share!” Scott says happily, and both Allison and Isaac look over at him fondly like they want to pat him on the head. Admittedly Pack Share was one of the few events that Stiles didn’t think was a complete waste, because it was about the whole pack rather than just the alpha. No one should consider a pack based on just one person, especially omegas. 

Stiles gives him a _Really, Scott?_ look across the table, but it’s Allison that comes to his defense.

“Strategically speaking, it’s in Scott’s best interest to get to know other alphas and their packs. It never hurts to have connections.”

“Thank you Allison, for that very logical explanation of our presence. It would be an excellent reason if I didn’t already know Scott.” Allison makes a face that says _fair point_ , and they both turn to look at Scott.

“What!” He says defensively. “I just like hearing about new packs!”

“True alpha Scott McCall, everyone,” Stiles sighs, turning his back to the stage.

The alphas have been divided into groups of five to present to the audience, with each group having 30 minutes to share about their packs and answer any questions from the audience. The whole event was three hours long, but people were free to stay or go for any of the six sessions. 

Stiles would like to say that the only reason he got up for the first early session was because Scott dragged him here, but he knows that’s not true. The other reason is sitting on stage, looking unfairly delicious in a tight Henley. A few of the alphas were wearing something more formal, clearly dressed to impress, but honestly the only thing Stiles could think about was what Derek's stubble would feel like rubbing against his neck. 

“…And now we all know why Stiles is here,” Isaac smirks, and Stiles viciously tamps down on his hormones. Being in a room where practically everyone could smell him having naughty thoughts was the worst. 

Before he could think of a suitable comeback, Finstock was announcing the start of the Pack Share. The first person to present was a pretty alpha named Madison who was apparently from the Bay Area and eager to build up her already fantastic pack. Stiles tunes her out for the rest of her share, because no matter what she says it’s not like he has any plans to move to San Francisco. Instead he focuses on Derek’s hands, and how he’s nervously fiddling with his water bottle. Stiles had never thought of Derek Hale as capable of being nervous, but he supposes it must take a lot to climb on stage and share about yourself and your pack with a crowd of people. 

Derek clears his throat and sits up a little straighter, and Stiles realizes it must be his turn. He tunes back in to see Derek looking down at his hands, but when he starts speaking his voice is clear. 

“My pack is small, just five people – me, my uncle, my two sisters, and my niece. We grew up in Beacon Hills, but left after a fire took the rest of our pack. We moved back about six and half years ago, after Laura and I finished with school out on the East Coast. 

“Peter – my uncle – is a journalist. I think he just likes to get paid to write things that make people angry. My older sister, Laura, is a corporate lawyer. I don’t understand very much of what she talks about, but I assume she’s doing good work. Her daughter is June, who has us all wrapped around her little finger. It’s hard for Laura, being as busy as she is and having a kid, but we all chip in. My younger sister Cora works at the auto shop out on Jefferson Street. As a mechanic though, not the receptionist – she’ll punch you if you assume she’s the receptionist because she’s a girl. I’m an editor, and I mostly work from home. It’s easier to help out with June when I’m always around. 

“It’s been just the five of us for a long time, but we’re all interested in expanding our pack. New faces, new friends, new family – we all grew up with a big pack, and it would be nice to have that again.”

Finstock moves onto the next alpha, but Stiles doesn’t bother listening. He’s thinking about Derek’s words, trying and failing to ignore how well they resonate with his own life experiences. He knows Derek glossed over the loss of the rest of his pack, but Stiles still feels the ache of what it was like to lose his mom, how empty the house felt and how it seemed like he and his dad were a million miles apart while still being the only two people in the world who could share each other’s’ grief. He can’t imagine what it would be like to experience that loss ten times over, to suddenly be without parents or a home. 

New family, though, that’s also something Stiles understands. Scott and Melissa were more family than anything else, and there’s nothing that he would do for his father that he wouldn’t do for them. Relations may be connected by blood, but family is something that you build.

Not that whatever Derek says actually matters, because Stiles isn’t looking to join his or any other pack. He’s window shopping, and just because one window has a particularly shiny display does _not_ mean that he’s actually considering buying anything from it. Great, now his metaphor sounds like it’s about prostitution.

Stiles is brought back by the sound of applause, and he realizes that he missed the rest of the panel’s shares. Whatever, not important. They had about ten minutes for Q&A, with only registered omegas being allowed to ask questions. Stiles lets a few other omegas ask the typical questions first – _What do you love most about your home city? What sort of territory is available for pack runs?_ \- before waving his ID badge in the air. Finstock points him out and Stiles is standing up to address the panel.

“I want some brutal honesty here. What’s the biggest problem with your pack? No one is perfect, and there are always issues when a group of people have to work or live together. So what am I going to find when I get beyond the shiny happy perfect pack presentation and start learning about your problems? Isn’t that my job as an omega, pack problem-fixer? Tell me what I’ll be fixing.”

“Well,” laughs one alpha nervously, crossing her ankles, “I would say that we don’t really have any big problems – “

“Nope, wrong answer,” Stiles interrupts, “next?”

A confident looking man in a nice suit leans forward into his chair. “Well, to be perfectly honest, our biggest problem may be that we all care too much about each other. Sometimes it’s difficult to give people their space to solve their own issues, to remember that we don’t need to help everyone with their struggles.”

Stiles sees a few audience members nodding approvingly, but Stiles shakes his head. “Wow, okay, that would have been a fantastic response if this was a job interview and you were trying to convince be that you’re a steadfast little worker bee. ‘We care too much’ is even worse of an answer than ‘we have no problems’. I’m looking for some truth.” 

Without his permission he finds his eyes sliding back to Derek, who is once again giving him that look that sends shivers down his back. For a moment it’s quiet, and Stiles thinks that maybe the rest of the panel, that _Derek_ , is too put off by his attitude to answer the question, but then Derek is straightening up again and answering, his eyes still trained on Stiles.

“It can be difficult,” he says roughly, “to show each other that we care. I mean, everyone is good at showing our kid that we love her, but sometimes it’s hard to share those feelings with adults. We tease and snark and poke at each other, but then sometimes we also yell and scream and throw things. We all get so angry and annoyed, and we forget that we couldn’t make each other so angry if we didn’t love each other.”

Stiles swallows dryly. “If your pack is messed up, why should I want to join?” For some reason his heart is pounding, and he wonders if Derek can hear it across the room in the middle of all these other people.

“Because we’re a family. I could be mad enough at Cora to tear my hair out, but I would do anything for her. That’s what it means to be a pack. They’re my heart,” he finishes with a shrug, looking back down at his hands. 

“Damn,” whispers Isaac reverently, “I think I just heard the sound of every single woman’s ovaries explode.”

Allison kicks him under the table and Scott tries to cover his surprised laugh with a cough, but Stiles is still thinking about Derek’s answer.

He’s remembering the sound of Derek’s voice, and the way that no one had to listen to his heartbeat to know he was telling the truth because it was written all over his face.

_They’re my heart_. Fuck on a stick. Stiles is so, so screwed.


	3. Young, But I'm Not that Bold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Derek and Stiles angst about their feelings without doing anything productive.

God, Derek is an idiot. He buries his face a little deeper into his pillow, and thinks back to the Pack Share breakfast that morning. Stiles had asked him about the pack, and Derek basically told him _Well we're all a bunch of angry dysfunctional people but we're family so it's okay._ This is why Derek works by himself, on his computer; he opens his mouth, and terrible things come out.

Derek's moping is interrupted by the sound of feet running up the staircase, and he has just enough time to turn over so that when June jumps up on his bed her knee jams into his kidney rather than his spine.

"Hey kiddo," he says after a moment of recovery, pulling lightly on one of her curls, "how was your day? Did you and mom have a good time at the park?"

"Uncle Derek, there were _so many puppies._ " The look of rapture on her face is enough to pull Derek out of his funk, and he grins back.

Of course, because Derek's life is awful, his improved mood only lasts long enough for Laura to make her way up the stairs and start talking.

"So a little birdie told me that you gave quite a speech this morning at the Pack Share," she teases, raising her eyebrows in curiosity.

Derek rolls his eyes. "Little birdies need to learn to stop gossiping. If you're that curious, you should have just gone for yourself."

Laura scoffs, as if the idea of spending her morning listening to Derek share about their pack is the last thing she should be doing with her Saturday. To be fair, if Derek weren't the one doing the sharing then he probably would have stayed far, far away as well.

"Just so you know I heard it from Mrs. Jensing, and that woman is terrifying. Do you remember when we accidentally ran through her flowerbed and ruined all her petunias? I'd love to see you tell her to stop gossiping."

Derek does remember the flower incident, and he shudders at the memory. That's not a verbal lashing he wants to relive.

Laura seems to take his silent scowl as answer enough, and keeps talking. "Anyways, she was there because her niece just got her associates degree and is looking to join a pack farther south. She said that you stole the show in the Q&A, and now all the omegas are checking you out. I believe the exact phrase she used was _swoon-worthy_."

Derek feels himself blush. Still, he can't help feeling the tiny spark of hope that maybe Stiles hadn't been put off by his answer after all.

"Mama," says June curiously, "what's a swoon?"

Laura walks over and sits on the edge of the bed, and addresses her daughter seriously. "Swoons are what happens when handsome boys, like your Uncle Derek, talk about their feelings."

"But you and Aunt Cora are always saying that boys _never_ know how to talk about their feelings." She says with a frown.

"Exactly," says Laura, sounding like she's holding back a laugh. June still looks like she has questions, but Derek is ready for this conversation to be over. One well-placed tickle, and the conversation dissolves into shrieks and giggles.

Derek is the undisputed loser of the ensuing tickle fight, but the distraction is worth it.

 

 

Unfortunately Derek's reprieve is short-lived.

He's washing up the last of the dishes from dinner when he hears the quiet hum of Peter's hybrid pulling up outside of the house. Normally Derek would use his niece to keep Peter occupied, but she was in the living room watching Wishbone. The whole pack knew from experience that interrupting Wishbone for any reason whatsoever as a major no-no.

As it was, Derek was left to prepare himself for yet another uncomfortable one-on-one conversation.

"Nephew," greeted Peter casually, letting himself in the front door. "Did you know, I've been hearing the most interesting things about this year's Pageant."

"Hello Peter," Derek muttered, "how nice to see you. Go away."

Peter gave no indication of having heard Derek, which was typical. "There I was minding my business in the Book Nook, when I hear some very titillating conversation happening in the stacks. Apparently, this year's Pack Share was quite the show, very entertaining. A certain alpha was so _dreamy_ and _sweet_. Imagine my surprise when I hear them drop the name Alpha Hale."

Derek is still resolutely not looking at Peter, but he knows that his discomfort is obvious. When the silence goes on for too long and Derek can feel Peter continuing to stare at the side of his face, he sighs heavily and turns to face his uncle.

"What? Just tell me what reaction you want from me here so I can give it to you and you can stop talking about this."

Peter looks pleased by his response, but apparently confused frustration is not what he's after. "My dear nephew, what I want is an _explanation_. Is it possible some young omega has caught your eye? Or perhaps its more likely that some sort of mental disorder is causing personality changes. I thought I'd come check to see which it was."

Derek has a basic plan to stay silent long enough for Peter to lose interest and go away, but Laura lives to make his life difficult.

"Peter!" Laura is still in her office on the second floor, but they can hear her voice easily. "Do you remember the first Pageant Derek did when we came back to Beacon Hills?"

Peter spends a moment parsing Laura's meaning before his eyes widen in comprehension. " _Really?_ Still, after all this time?"

Derek sighs and starts wiping down the countertop. "I hate you both."

"Stiles Stilinski," Peter says in a contemplative tone that Derek doesn't like one bit, "I always thought it was a pity that you failed so utterly at winning him over. And he was such a beautiful boy, too."

Derek feels something ugly and possessive build in his chest at Peter's words. "Stop it, Peter."

Unsurprisingly, Peter keeps talking. "And four years is such a long time. How does he look now? Still so innocent? Or maybe he's learned a thing or two at college so he'll know what he's doing when you get him to s-"

Derek takes a step towards Peter and snarls. "Shut up!"

It's only when Peter actually does, backing away as well, that Derek realizes his claws are out and his eyes are red. Derek turns around and takes a deep breath, willing himself to get back in control. By the time he feels mostly calm again, Peter has shaken off the compulsion of the alpha command.

"Goodness, no need for dramatics."

"For God's sake, Peter, leave me alone." Derek senses Peter walk up next to him, and he's about to lash out again when he feels Peter set a hand on his shoulder.

As a rule, Peter and Derek have never been particularly physically affectionate with each other. They hug occasionally, and tussle during the pack runs. As humans though, they rarely touch.

"Derek," Peter says without any hint of teasing in his voice, "I know you've set your sights in this boy, but can you handle him being a part of the pack, just as the omega? Could you watch him fall in love with someone else and accept his lover into your pack? If, _if_ he decides to join our pack, could you welcome him with out the expectation of more?"

He wants to say _Of course_ or _I'll manage_ , but it's the truth that slips out. "I don't know," he says quietly. His heart hurts just thinking about the possibility.

Peter squeezes his shoulder once before letting go and moving further into the house. "As lovely as this conversation has been, I still need to visit my favorite niece."

"Grand-niece," Derek and Laura correct at the same time. Peter hates any reminder that he may be becoming old in any way, and so naturally they all remind him of his great-uncle status as often as possible.

"Yours is the only affection I can depend on, my little Juniper Berry," Peter sighs dramatically, dropping into the couch and pulling June over to him.

"Shhhhh," she says, cuddling up to Peter without taking her eyes off the screen, "Wishbone."

Derek doesn't think werewolf hearing is necessary to hear Laura’s bark of laughter from the office. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“ _Oh my God_ ,” Stiles says for roughly the hundredth time in the past hour, staring up at the ceiling from his spot on Isaac’s couch. 

After the first round of Pack Share Stiles had begun freaking out, and because his friends were amazing they had all headed out early and had been patiently listening to Stiles’ incoherent exclamations.

“So,” says Isaac, coming out of the kitchen with a bowl of guacamole and a bag of chips, “is this still about fucking, or are there feelings now too?”

“So many feelings,” Stiles whimpers, “both in and out of my pants. He totally ruined the plan.” 

“What was the plan?” asks Allison, scooting over until she’s practically in Scott’s lap so that Isaac can squeeze into the same chair. None of them look particularly unhappy with the arrangement. 

“The plan was beautiful,” Stiles says mournfully. “I was going to seduce Derek with my keen intellect and unique charms, and then we were going to have hot sex. Incredibly hot sex, the kind where clothes get ripped and hickies are everywhere and maybe I would have gotten to use that pair of handcuffs I stole from my dad.”

“How is it ruined though?” Allison asks. Stiles mentally gives her points for staying focused. 

“The most important part of the plan, other than the amazing sex, is that _there would be no feelings_. His terrible personality and general dislike of me was supposed to keep me from wanting anything from him except slightly antagonistic but nevertheless ridiculously hot sexy times.”

“He didn’t seem like a jerk this morning though,” Scott adds in, ignoring all the sex-parts of Stiles’ ramble. “He also didn’t seem like he hated you. I mean, he could have just not answered your question in the Q&A.”

“Exactly. How am I supposed to sex him up with no strings attached when he’s being all…not terrible?”

“If by ‘not terrible’ you mean magnetic enough to become first choice bed warmer for half the audience,” Isaac mutters. 

Stiles sees Scott’s eyes flash at Isaac’s comment, and he knows that as soon as he leaves there’s going to be some werewolf hanky panky going on. Gross.

“Are you still going to try to sleep with him though?” Asks Scott, because he’s a good friend and pays attention to Stiles even when he’s distracted by his pack.

Stiles sighs heavily. “I don’t know man. There’s a part of me that’s says I’ve been waiting to have sex with him for like a fourth of my life and I need to get on that while I can, but then there’s another part of me saying that maybe it’s better to lust from afar than get to close and get my heart crushed by Derek Hale.” _Again_ , he mentally adds.

“You still don’t want to join his pack though, right?” Scott asks worriedly. Technically Stiles isn’t a part of Scott’s pack. They had considered themselves packmates in high school, but then Scott stayed in Beacon Hills while Stiles went to Berkeley. They definitely kept in touch, but when Scott came into his alpha status, Stiles just wasn’t physically there enough to be his omega. Still, Scott was pretty possessive with Stiles when it came to other packs. 

“No, of course not,” Stiles reassures him, but even Stiles is aware that he sounds much less adamant than yesterday afternoon when the Pageant had started. 

It’s just that the way Derek had described his pack made it seem like somewhere Stiles could really fit in – “clashing but loyal” was a pretty good motto for a significant number of Stiles’ interpersonal relationships. 

Stiles forcibly stops that train of thought. It’s pointless to even think about, because Derek will definitely never offer him a place in his pack. He’s probably going to have dozens of omegas willing to accept his offer of joining the Hale pack, there’s no way he would want even a platonic kind of forever-relationship with Stiles. 

“Let’s watch a movie,” he says decisively, rolling off of his spot on the couch to look through Isaac’s DVDs. He needs to not think about Derek Hale and his stupid perfect face for a while. Like, at least two hours. Maybe. It’s a good goal to have.

The opening credits are still going when Stiles gets lost remembering the look on Derek’s face when he talked about his family.


End file.
